Yesterday Jokes

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.

A screenshot from Pornhub displaying a post. The post asks, "If you have sex on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?" A reply below states, "It's only a graveyard smash if she's had an abortion."

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)

Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."

Love y'all so much!

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.