I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Yesterday Jokes
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday. Not a soul in sight.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
Yesterday, a guy threw a litre of milk at me.
How dairy!
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…
He’s a suicide bomber.
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad.
He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, “I like ya cut g.” And I slapped him. I don’t know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I’d ever done.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday, let’s just say that’s the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn’t end up like their parents.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday
i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day