The 100+ Best Yesterday Jokes

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."

If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?

i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday. Not a soul in sight.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...

He’s a suicide bomber.

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

I saw a kid crying yesterday so I asked him where js parents were, god I love working in a orphanage

An orphanage got robbed yesterday, let’s just say that’s the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn’t end up like their parents.