Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year? Because they don't have a Father's Day.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies”, I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point..they sure as hell aren’t real now!
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
I usually hang up halloween decorations,
but this year imma be the decoration.
marriage is like buying a car. you see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and the certain parts stop working. then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and your still stuck with the old ones. you look over and go "but i just wanna sit in it. Just once." "its even got leather interior, its chrome, it doesn't even have oil/gas leaks!" " and it doesn't squeak!"
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common? They both like keeping one sock for themselves
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
The first time you have a new phone you have a different one you can change your phone to a new phone but it doesn’t change the phone 📱 it’s just different I think it will work I just think it would look good 👍 and then it would work but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one you just know it’s the wrong 😑 it’s a bad phone 📱 it’s a new thing it’s the same for different every day but it doesn’t look 👀 and I think 🤔 so it’s not a good 👍 but it works so it’s different so it’s different for the new phone 📱 and it doesn’t have to work on it doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one ☝️ but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one ☝️ but it is not that the new iPhone 📱 so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone 📱 but I have to get the new iPhone 📱 I just want it and then you have a good 😊 and it’s a different number so it’s just like 👍 so it’s just one ☝️ but you know it’s not like 👍 I have the new iPhone 📲 so you know it’s just one ☝️ so it’s a little more than just the one ☝️ and it will get the new phone 📞 so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money 💴 but it won’t cost 💲 much more to pay 💰 off your car 🚘 than to get the phone 📱 for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car 🚘🚘 fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy 😆 I’m happy happy 😊 I’m so excited excited 😊 thank y all and I will talk soon 🔜 and have you have an update as to the results soon 🔜 thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good 😌 hope to be in your class today love ❤️ and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye ✌️
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes? You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
Spell peppa.okay.p e p p a . hahaha!you said peepee . I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves peppa pig and has a backpack of it.So I told her to spell her backpacks letters and tricked her...And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear
Why can't a a citizen in communist china especially a chinese male who is between 18 - 29 years old can not buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist china? Because the condom would be too big for the penis of chinese men in communist china
What do you call a 17 year old orphan? Homeless
What Costco food is associated with Michael Joseph Jackson? The Jackson dog. It's 49 year old saussge between 6 year old buns.
Officer don’t arrest me she said she was 5 in dog years
