world's jokes

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

What do you call depressed Sesame Street?

Emo's World.

What's the most expensive haircut in the world?

Chemotherapy.

Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.

Who are the world's fastest readers?

The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.