world's jokes

Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?

Alexander the Grape.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.