Environment jokes

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

What do turtles and lesbians have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

How is the world like dirt?

Because we don't think twice about it.

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Q) What do trees call deforestation?

A) TREASON!

Earth is full. Go home!