Woman jokes

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

Haha, boob!

I hope there are no women on here because they just aren't that funny.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

Hippity hoppity, women are property.

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...