When jokes
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"