When jokes

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.