When jokes
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.