When jokes
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
Memes
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’