When jokes

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?

The Windows shutdown sound plays.

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life

Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")