When jokes

What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?

No one cries when they cut up the viola.

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.

What did the duck do when he crossed the road?

The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀

Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?

"No computers allowed on the test!"

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

Yo mama's so fat, when Thanos snapped, she only lost a few kg.

Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

Yo mama so ugly,

my screen cracked when she took her photo!

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.