When jokes
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?
"You are not alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
What to do when you're bored? Punch an orphan in the face. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
When you breathe.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.