When jokes
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Memes
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...