When jokes
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Memes
Me when i was 7 be like
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.