When jokes
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
When Chuck Norris was asked, "Do you know the way?" he replied, "I am the way!"
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."