When jokes
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
When you say, "I'm high!"
But then you fall off.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?
The Milky Way.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
When Chinese babies are born, they should put a sticker on their forehead saying "MADE FROM CHINA".