When jokes
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.