When jokes
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny!
Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.
She got mad and ate the bus!
"Why is my name Rose?"
"A rose fell on your head when you were born."
"Why is my name Daisy?"
"A daisy fell on your head when you were born."
"Bedrock is better than Java!"
"Oh, hi Brick!"
What does a refrigerator and a gay male have in common?
Only one farts when you pull the meat out. 🌝🌝🌝
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.