When jokes
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?
"Kobe crash!"
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!