When jokes
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
Memes
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. 😏
Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Olgh..."
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.