When jokes
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
Memes
When you've crashed into a car, but it wasn't just any car...it was John Wicks car.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
Yo mama so fat, when she landed on the earth, the earth cracked like eggs. LOL.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)