When jokes
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Sad so sad
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?
"I sea him!"