When jokes

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scales, it said, "One person at a time, please!"

Yo mama so stupid, when I said, "Go deep," she dug a hole in the field.

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?

"I sea him!"

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?

The cops had to comb the area.

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!

What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?

"Daddy?"