James Bond jokes

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

What do you call a scared octopus?

A octopussy.

What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?

Bubble 007.

Octopussy.

Octopussy.

What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.