James Bond jokes
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
What do you call a scared octopus?
A octopussy.
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
Octopussy.
Octopussy.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.