James Bond jokes

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?

Bubble 007.

What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

What do you call a scared octopus?

A octopussy.

What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.

James Bond walks into a saloon where Michael J. Fox is tending bar. He says, "I’ll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."

Michael turns to him and says, "How else would I serve it?"

Octopussy.

All these bows and arrows and I'd still give more of Jeremy Renner's work a shot.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

Octopussy.