When jokes

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?

Hot Wheels...

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

When I walk to school, I fart.

I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.