When jokes

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

What happened when the dog played golf?

He hit the ball into the ruff.

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.

Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

What do dogs do when they lose their tail?

They go to the retail store.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."