When jokes

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

Vote for the better joke!

When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?

Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

When someone calls you gay, say:

"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"

I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

I did a walk today, but I had a walk home from a walk. Walk today, but it when.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."