Weapon jokes

Guns control.

What is a school shooter's favorite animal?

A Desert Eagle.

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?

They both make terrible hunters.

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)