What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!
What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
