Weapon jokes
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
Why did the boy shoot the clock? He wanted to kill time.
Why did the boy shoot the clock?
What did a gay Indian use as weapons of war?
A rain-bow.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.