Weapon jokes
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?