Weapon jokes

What do you call a gay grenade?

A fragette.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

Gun + Backpack = Fun!

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."

Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?

A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.

What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?

Nothing.

Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.