War jokes
Where did Suzy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
"Warning, all unsaved progress will be lost." - Sun Tzu, The Art Of War.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
What is the difference between Obama and Osama?
Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Why does Adolf hate golf?
He ended up in the bunker.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they lost two towers.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.