What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
Coach Jokes
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.
Because I hate dealing with parents.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
She keeps on running from the ball.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
