Violence jokes
What do you do when you're bored?
I beat up orphans.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to 10 trees.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.