Violence jokes

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

Well what am I gonna do now...

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender ;)