Violence jokes
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Rape is not funny!! What if you were the girl/boy getting raped?
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
I gotta do terrorist :)
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."