Violence jokes

Bored? Beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? A. Depends how thin you slice them.

Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: He got shot.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.