What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
