Violence jokes
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
What does lmao mean?
Launch Missiles at orphanage.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Memes
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.