Violence jokes
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.