Violence jokes

What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

Ripping it off with a kick!

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.

Turn the comments into a school shootout ;)

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.