Violence jokes

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

Ripping it off with a kick!

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.

A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.