Violence jokes
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
Turn the comments into a school shootout ;)
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?