Violence jokes
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bum.
Bum who?
Bum holding a pistol!
I suck on cups so START RUNNIN' CUPHEAD!
If you’re bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.
Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.
I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll f*ck your mom, and you'll be next.