Violence jokes
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"
"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Rizz.
Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.