Obsession jokes

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Are you a knife? Because I want you.

More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.

I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!

Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.

I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:

Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.