Violence jokes
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll f*ck your mom, and you'll be next.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
Memes
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Bro, imagine shooting a school for autistic people.
If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.