Real Estate jokes
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
*Ring Ring!*
Who’s there?
Soldier!
Soldier who?
You’ve soldier house! Congrats!
waHt
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
What kind of house 🏠 can fly? A magic house 🏠!
Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.
If the moon landing was fake, so is your house.
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What does a house wear? Address.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
What can you do for a magic house?
Make it fly!
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?
Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.