Real Estate jokes
What does a house wear? Address.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
If the moon landing was fake, so is your house.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
*Ring Ring!*
Who’s there?
Soldier!
Soldier who?
You’ve soldier house! Congrats!
waHt
What kind of house 🏠 can fly? A magic house 🏠!
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"