Violence jokes
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? You nail its other hand to the ground.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.
Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.