Violence jokes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
It's okay, you had socks on :)
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?
The Boston marathon finish line.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.