Violence jokes
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
A baby seal walks into a club...
when my imaginary mom tells me to calm down
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
It's okay, you had socks on :)
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.