Violence jokes

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?

The Boston marathon finish line.

What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?

Two dead babies in an acid bath.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?

One baby stapled to five trees.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.

What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?

Watching their expression change.

Why couldn't the rape victim run away?

Because she was dead.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.