Guitar jokes

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

What's a fish's least favorite instrument?

A ClariNET!

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?

A. Because he has excellent string theory.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?

Because they are good at fingering A minor.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

What's the best finger for fingering A minor?

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

What instrument do orphans play?

The sax alone.

What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?

Guarded.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Time to play guitar!

*absolutely shreds*

What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can't tuna fish.