Violence jokes
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Rape is not a joke.
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin through her neck.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!