Violence jokes

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

Why did Sally fall out the window?

She was pushed.

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

How do you make a baby cry?

You run over it with a lawn mower.

What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?

Morgz.

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

Q: What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

A: Special forces.

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

1, 2, I have a gun.

3, 4, I am in a school.

5, 6, Everyone on the ground!