Violence jokes

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?

One baby stapled to five trees.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.

Why couldn't the rape victim run away?

Because she was dead.

What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?

Watching their expression change.

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Why did Sally fall out the window?

She was pushed.

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.