Violence jokes
The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?
They said, "Allahu Akbar."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...