Violence jokes
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
My dad hits me :(
I like my women like I like my eggs.
Beaten against a table until her insides come out.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.