How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?
1 baby tied to 5 trees.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
