what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
