Violence jokes
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.
It was 9/11 all over again.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.