Violence jokes
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
Guns control.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.