Violence

Violence jokes

Add joke

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

  • 0

    • I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

    All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

    A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.

    The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.

  • 0

    • School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

    School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

    What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

    My last if she knows what's good for her.

    So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

  • 3

    • Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?

    A: With a blender.

    Q: How do you get them out?

    A: Chips.

    There was an enemy with a machine gun.

    My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

    So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.