Violence jokes
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.