Violence jokes
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.