Violence jokes
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
A baby seal walks into a club...
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.