Violence jokes

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.

While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》

"Nun" kills the two guys.

🤔

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

How do you make a pink Smurf?

You peel the skin off.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

How do you start a rave?

Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.