Violence jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Rape is not a joke.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.