Adult Jokes

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes pulled down her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Why are feminists jealous of men? because men don't have to stand up to piss

making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult "I know the whole truth" they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom "I know the whole truth" and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said "I know the whole truth" and his dad gave him 40$ an said don't tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said "I know the whole truth" then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

How did the germans conquer poland so fast? they marched in backwards and the polish people thought they were leaving.

What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for? campaign contribution to the Republican Party

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.

What are the big mouths of feminists good for portable urinal for men

What does the initials ACLU stand for 🤔 American Communist Lawyers Union

Brojobs is like air It's not important until you don't have any

What is the difference between a climate change and the green house effect once a philosopher twice a sodomite

What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? if you want a female prostitute to be a bitch you have to give her money first

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? because the french government was using the guillotine in public on new born baby boys for circumcision

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moal,religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral,religious or health reasons can still be a cocksucker so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons

What do polish people in 🇵🇱 Poland use chop sticks for? tweezers

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician? panhandler

If prostitution had a tax exempt status and if a adult book store had a tax exempt status because of a glory hole churches would have to do something else to keep their tax exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business