Little Johnny

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Stand

Anonymous

Why are feminists jealous of men? because men don’t have to stand up to piss

High

Hotel Hideaway

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes pulled down her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Drunk

THE FUNNY DUDE

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Arms

Anonymous

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

Air

Anonymous

Brojobs is like air It’s not important until you don’t have any

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? if you want a female prostitute to be a bitch you have to give her money first

Little Johnny

I’m in school

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

I’m in school lol.

Stand

Anonymous

What does BLM stand for? Bisexual Lives Matter

Child

Anonymous

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

School

Thats funny

Sometimes i have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell

“IM YOU FROM THE FUTURE”

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, “mark, what would you like to eat?” Mark said, “I’d like some fucking potato’s.” SMACK! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, “what would you like to eat?” “Well, I’d like some fucking potatos” said suzie SMAACK! she slapped suzie. “Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?” Well… I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.

Broccoli

jango

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative, nothing they both make you cry when you look at it

Kid

GamingLEGE

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult she had kids. When they were old enough she told them you could be whatever you want…

Woman

Anonymous

How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth

Feminist

Anonymous

Why are feminists always against men? because men can piss with something that they can’t piss with dicks

Bull

Anonymous

What does the initials bible stand for? Bull In Book Lacking Evidence

Common

Anonymous

What does a politician and a minister have in common? both of them will tell you anything to get money from you

Night

Anonymous

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore? guardian of the confessional booth

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