Violence jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!