How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Lil Johnny looked a lil bonny, but then when he saw Tommy, he decided to bomb me.
