Vegetable jokes
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Your mom gay.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
What is a carrot's favorite shop?
The wheelchair store.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.