Vegetable jokes

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

Yum!

Bean.

what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?

steamed vegetables.

Why are hospitals always freezing?

They need to keep the vegetables cold.

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

What is the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.

I like to eat mom's spaghetti. Now try it with the NEWWWW VEGETTIIII, turn any vegetable into pasta!

The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!

Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!