Vegetable jokes
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
I like to eat mom's spaghetti. Now try it with the NEWWWW VEGETTIIII, turn any vegetable into pasta!
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!
Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!